Screw you, tangerine girl!

The last time I ventured to the Borders bookstore for some good old fashioned Friday fun...I found myself incredibly annoyed. A college aged couple sat down right next to me...just far enough from me that they avoided sitting in my lap, yet close enough that I could probably lick their faces if I had tried. Yes, that's a really creepy and gross way of explaining proximity - but it was for effect. Whatever.

Anyway, I felt like I was stuck in a "coming of age" high school summer reading list book. The girl and guy spent a ridiculous amount of time discussing the many 'sex'capades and dramatic dealings of themselves and their friends, clearly in a futile attempt to assert their age and maturity. Gasp.

I could've vomited at that - but would rather save my regurgitation for what occurred just before that. Minutes after they first sat down, they pulled out a bag of Fried Chicken. I kid you not. Fried Chicken. In the middle of the bookstore - Bam! Fried Chicken. Not only did they proceed to openly unwrap their dinners and eat a Sunday Dinner next to me...they had the audacity to do so, whilst chomping with their mouths full. disgusting.

But I digress.

The point of THIS post is to tell you that I MUST be a magnet for idiots at the bookstore. Immediately after work, I rushed to the bookstore to check out a book that had been recommended to me earlier in the day. I found a cozy little table, far from anyone else...and was ready to determine if this book was worth purchasing.

Like clockwork, a group of obnoxious college-aged girls entered the cafe area. No. Please, no. Don't. Walk. Over. Here. These tables are crappy. The chairs are uncomfortable. What? You don't care? Oh. You'd rather sit down next to me and make my time at the bookstore a miserable experience? Wonderful.

Luckily, two of the three girls left right away. They had to run to Chipotle to pick dinner...and bring it back. In the next hour, I spent my time deciding exactly WHEN i should punch the remaining girl in the face. She started her obnoxiousness by drowning herself in hand sanitizer. Alright, no biggie - the girl likes cleanliness. Fine - I'll give her that one. .........Next, came the Bath and Bodyworks Sweet Pea lotion. Seriously? Yes. She doused herself in. Lathered her body from head to ...legs. Arms, elbows, check, check. The entire cafe reeked of the soft smell of shitty sweat peas.

Just when my nose began to recover from the olfactory abuse it had just endured...she pulled out a ziploc bag, lined with napkins. Oh no! What could be inside of that? What could she have possibly brought with her to the bookstore in a napkin-lined ziploc bag?

Yep. A tangerine. I kid you not - an unpeeled tangerine. What in the hell was she thinking??? Well, now I know exactly what she was thinking. This was a well-thought out, premeditated effort on her part. First, the sanitizer to wash her hands of the filth she had collected on her drive over. Then the lotion to soften her skin before the laborious tangerine peel she would assume. And that obnoxious biotch even had the foresight to pack a napkin-lined ziploc bag to pack her stupid little tangerine in. She knew that damn thing would be messy - and she prepared.

To that, I say, "Screw you tangerine girl. Your careful plotting and scheming to smuggle in your sticky snack was not appreciated. Furthermore, it was an insult to my intelligence (and that of avid readers worldwide) that you thought you could mask the smell of your citrus social sin with the strong scent of antibacterial soap or Sweet Pea lotion. This is a bookstore, tangerine girl. We, the bookstore cafe-type, are well-read and not easily fooled. How dare you!!"

Surely, I'm a magnet for this sort of ridiculousness. I just can't allow myself to believe that these things are normal. I'd be far less disenchanted to learn that I am the flame to these bookstore moths...than to believe for a second that this sort of behavior is either normal or acceptable.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Didn't we just do this Fall thing last year??

Ugh. I can't believe it's cold again. To all the people out there who say, "I love Fall"... I say "suck it"!

I'll be the first to say it...I don't care what shade of golden auburn the leaves change, how crisp the air feels, how delicious apple cider tastes, or how fun it is to carve pumpkins...the fact remains that Fall means Summer is over and Winter is lurking around the icy cold corner!!

This is why I hate cold weather...

Hi. Those words actually mean something.

After seeing how often people confuse words...I decided to write the following: the longest (most random) use of misused words, together, and in context:

Please do not wait to pull your weight; please till your garden 'til the sun goes down. You're going to let your crops die! Have faith that you can affect how well they will grow; and the only side effects will be fatigue. Make sure you do a good job so that you can feel well immediately thereafter. It's going to be a difficult job, but watering and tilling your plants will ensure that their flowers blossom. I insured my garden because of its value, and I assure you that yours will also be productive. I don’t want to accept failure and plan to succeed in all areas except irrigation. I expect to meet the standard where that is concerned.

My garden will be located in the capitol of the state; and I will give it a name that starts with a capital letter. I would like to also invite my former high school principal, a woman whose principles are similar to my own, so that she can understand my principal motivation for seeing this project to fruition. It's critical that I reunite with the person who's responsible for inspiring me to succeed. I hope to invite more people by then, because I'd hate to have more chairs than people. On the other hand, if there are two too many in attendance, then I'd have only a minor shortage of chairs! I'd hate for my guests to be uncomfortable; their satisfaction is important to me.

You may not want my two cents, but you should also have enough sense to consider what scents you want your guests to smell. The presence of candles tends to allude to the importance of smells, but most can not elude the foul smell of the maneur that is used to fertilize the garden. If it bothers the guests, we can encourage them to stand farther away from the garden to help further their enjoyment.

I don't want to elicit too much personal information from you about your garden; however, I've heard that you may be growing some illicit plants? While my vice is shopping, yours may be different? Shall I use a vise to open your garden door and see the plants for myself? I promise I won't break anything, but taking a break from my work and exploring your garden may help to put a brake on the rumors! If I recall, the last time I visited your garden, I couldn't stop complimenting you on how well you managed to complement the floral arrangements with your unique sense of style. In fact, I liked the stationary garden bench of yours so much, I jotted down the dimensions on a piece of stationery and added space in my own garden for the same one! While I know you are averse to accepting criticism, I wouldn't want your choice of plants to bring about adverse effects for the neighborhood.

I'd also like to remind you to visit the last aisle of the store where garden tools are sold. There are special tools imported from a small Caribbean isle that you may purchase for a reasonable price. I don't want you to lose any money from investing in tools with loose screws. But I digress.


I used to think that if you use an event to promote the success of a garden, then that garden wouldn't succeed. For all intents and purposes, I would normally conclude that an event would be an intense means of promoting a purpose. What is the name of the garden that are planning to till? More importantly, will you be the gardener who will till the soil 'til the sun goes down?

I preheated the oven AND cooked a pizza while on hold with Comcast...

No joke.

I don't have the patience to explain in detail...but the blog's title should say it all. Ugh.

Boot Camp Day 2: I threw up.

Yup. I threw up. Second day of boot camp...vomit.

Let me back up and start by saying that Tuesday was my first official day of boot camp. We spent the hour and fifteen minutes doing a fitness assessment. If you can remember back to your high school days when you had to take the Presidential Fitness Test....same thing. But, boy is it a humbling experience when you're not in high school anymore!

I'm not sure if I'm really this out of shape, or if I'm psyching myself out because I'm just days away from my 25th birthday....and subconsciously I'm thinking that I'm getting old or something! BUT...either way - I feel out of shape! I guess I've gotten by with being "athletic enough" for a long time. Thank God for good genes...I'm learning that much of my body size can be directly attributed to that...it's certainly not hard work and exercise. Because THIS has been hard work and exercise...and I am definitely NOT USED to it! haha

The good news is that I finished my mile in less than ten minutes. The bad news is that I'm proud of that. Luckily, the "sit and reach" gave me something to be proud of. And I didn't do so poorly in the "plank" or "wall squat" either. We tracked a ton of fitness tests, and will revisit each of them when the 8-wk session ends.

Week one is done. Tuesday was the fitness assessment...and today (Thurs) was the real deal. Okay, truth be told, the instructor called it "Boot Camp 101". Not too promising. I was BEAT. OHMYGAWD. I was sooooo exhausted. My arms and legs were shaking. My stomach hurt. I felt light-headed. Bad, bad, bad. Next thing you know...vomit. Awesome.

Thankfully, I found it within me to keep going. And I did, albeit struggling, but I finished it nonetheless!

There are two options from here: 1. consider the boot camp fee a sunk cost and give up now OR 2. stick it out and come out of this a stronger person (fo' real! hehe).

The goal is to shoot for option 2 as of now...so if you see me, words of encouragement are welcomed!! Let's just hope I can get through this weekend in Vegas...without completing negating all of my hard work! ....On second thought, Vegas, here I come!!!

Agh! 25 is almost here!!

I'm turning 25 in ten days. Ten days. To celebrate the big birthday, my boyfriend and I are going with another couple to Vegas for a long weekend! We're absolutely thrilled. This will be my first trip to Sin City and I couldn't be any more excited! I've already told the bf that I want to see a comedy show, a hypnotist, and need to also set aside several hours for poolside relaxation! We're really looking forward to it.

The following weekend, I'll be flying back home to FL. Thank God. It'll have been six weeks since seeing my family, but for some reason, it seems so much longer! In fact, it'll have been 47 days...the same amount of time it's been since seeing the bf, considering the last time I saw him we were in FL together. I can't wait to go home!!! There's nothing like a hug from your favorite people in life!!

I guess every good thing comes at a price. Unfortunately, since I'll be traveling for those weekends, I'll miss the first two games of our flag football season. You may remember that I played flag football last year: The Hershey Squirts! As a matter of fact, that's how I met my bf, and many of the friends with whom I'm closest here in town! Since last football season, we've played dodgeball, ultimate frisbee, and kickball...but none seem to compare quite to football.

I recently discovered that I'm not getting enough sleep at night. Yeah - definitely not getting eight hours every night. But why? What in the world am I doing that's keeping me up at night? Aside from the nightly routine of emails, fb, tv, cooking, etc....it's the daily deals that's keeping me up at night. You read that right...daily deals. Seriously. Certainly you've seen sites where they offer one incredibly inexpensive deal every 24 hours...which makes it nearly impossible to NOT purchase it. Yeah, well, I'm a huge fan. And really enjoy staying up until midnight...just to make sure I get whatever "it" is...first. God help me.

I also joined a jewelry club. Yeah. Miss 'worst girl ever' joined a jewelry club. Truth be told, I've picked up several girly habits recently. I can stomach the idea of wearing eye makeup now...and even graduated from the days of ponytails and buns. Instead, I actually take a little bit of time in the morning ... really getting ready! Who knew! Somewhere along the way (after attending a jewelry party), I decided that not only is jewelry fun to wear...it also can really help to spruce up a boring outfit. And since I have an endless supply of boring outfits, well, you see where I'm getting with this. Jewelry isn't that bad. I actually enjoy it.

I think my problem is that I really enjoy receiving mail. Not the 'Buy 2 large pizzas, get a 1-liter of Coke free' sort of mail....or the utility bill...but, the package with my name (preferably hand-written), just dying to be ripped open before I even make it back from the mailbox to my place!!! For that reason, I also enjoy sending mail :-)

I'd like to do a better job of chronicling my life a bit more...but, I often find myself sidetracked. With so much going on in the coming weeks, the potential for riveting posts surely exists.

Looking forward to the next post!

It's been a while!

So, it's been more than four months since I last made any posts! But, I'd like to think that's a testament to how incredibly eventful my life has been this year!!

I'm shocked that it's already August - where has 2010 gone? Since my last post, a lot has happened. For starters, my bf moved away to Toronto. Ugh. Toronto, an even colder place than Central Pennsylvania! How is that even possible? He actually moved in late March, and has officially been gone for 5 months and 2 days. Yes, and 2 days. Every day seems to count when we're counting down until the next time we see one another. On the bright side, it's given as an excuse to travel quite a bit for mini reunions. We promised each other that we'd try our hardest to see each other at least once a month - and for the most part, it's worked. Our trips have included Buffalo, Niagara, Toronto (to see him), Arizona, Florida, and even Costa Rica! We've been busy!! And happy.

A week ago, while driving one Saturday morning, my engine blew up. Yes. Blew up. It's currently in the shop...getting a new(er) engine put in. If there were ever a check that hurt to write out...that was it. Blah.

One of my three interns went back to school a week ago. I'm convinced that he was my good luck charm - it's been a rough week since he left. Surely it's a complete coincidence...but it made him feel good when I told him that! haha

No other updates - but just wanted to get a quick post in now ... to get me on track for posting more from now on.

Vegas in one month for my 25th birthday! Oh boy!